Aw! This Woman Thinks Rosewater Face Spray Will Fix All Her Problems

It’s been a tough year for the modern woman, but Marissa Daniels is pretty sure she’s figured out how to cope.

“You know, it’s definitely been a crazy year,” she said as she dug through her Rebecca Minkoff shoulder bag, “but I think I’ve really found the secret to keeping myself centered.”

After five minutes of shuffling through her bag, Marissa grew exasperated and dumped the entire contents onto the bar in front of her.

“Yes, here it is!” She grabbed the tiny pink spray bottle from the pile of gum wrappers and tampons and began spritzing it on her face aggressively. Marissa was literally dripping down her face and onto her shirt by the time she put the bottle down, but she smiled and flipped her hair out of its greasy ponytail like she was in a goddamn Pantene commercial.

When asked about its effects on her, Marissa scoffed.

“Are you kidding me? It’s a cure-all,” she stated, reaching for the bottle again. “I heard it’s the poor man’s elixir and I feel pretty good about that. I mean, Ryan hasn’t texted me back in like three weeks and I’m pretty sure we’re all about to die in a nuclear war or something but do you see a single wrinkle on my face? I swear to god, no anxiety at all. Every time I get a whiff of this stuff I feel SO much better. And I feel like it really adds something to my look, right? It’s like that dewy, just swam in the ocean Baywatch look, don’t you think?”

Marissa said she’s added rosewater to her nightly ritual, spritzing at least 5 sprays on her face for every glass of rosé she downs.

“I really like the aesthetic of it all. The pink water matches my pink wine, and by the time I finish the bottle I feel like I’m glowing in all of right ways. And honestly,” she continued, “Ryan can go fuck himself.”

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