How To Cradle His Ego Like You’re Doing the Water Balloon Toss

If you’ve ever been to a family picnic, you’ve most likely participated in the water balloon toss. And if you are in a relationship with a man whose ego is just as fragile as a water balloon, you may need to consider using some of these tricks in order to protect his masculinity.


Tell him that your waitress at Chili’s was checking him out

By telling your boyfriend that the waitress was making googly eyes at him, you are making sure to put his self-worth before your own feelings. His fragile masculinity must be upheld by the fact that random women still find him attractive. Don’t let your jealousy get in the way of coddling him!


Fake an orgasm anytime he gives you a compliment

Let out your loudest milk-curdling scream any time he gives you any sort of accolade. He likes your skirt? Orgasm. He likes the movie you chose for date night? Orgasm. He thinks you gave a nice speech at your aunt’s funeral? Orgasm.


Stop talking to your brother because he works out more than him

If your boyfriend has any vulnerabilities around the fact that your brother has a more defined abdomen than him, then cut all ties with your sibling. Remember, you must take every precaution necessary. This is dangerous territory.


Don’t take that promotion because then you’ll be making more money than him

If you’re boss says you’d make a great manager and he wants to send you to business night school, say no! Your boyfriend works at Best Buy and the fact that you’re more successful than him will leave a permanent bruise on his ego. This is more important.

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