Earth Gets Plastic Surgery Because She’s Sick of People Calling Her Flat

After weeks of NASA’s PR team denying rumors, Planet Earth announced in a recent interview that she had plastic surgery. From those in the Middle Ages to Tila Tequila, people have been calling the member of the Milky Way flat for hundreds of years now. Firing back, Earth recently stated how sick she was of people always commenting on her body and decided to make a change.

A few months ago, speculation about a shift in Earth’s shape began with a recent growth in mountain terrain in North America. And then, word got out that Earth did a photoshoot via an unidentified space drone only wearing a tube top and very short shorts. Rumors have speculated that the unidentified space drone is owned by Annie Leibovitz. Her team has refused to comment.

We reached out to Earth to hear her side of the story.

“I don’t want to lie about this anymore, especially to my fans and loved ones,” says Earth. “After Christopher Columbus came along, I thought the comments would fade away. Like after 525 years of folks commenting that I’m so flat that people could easily fall off me, you think they’d move one to another planet. I need this change in my life and having more mass on the Northern Hemisphere will help boost my confidence.”

“I supported her decision 100% percent,” close orbitor Venus states. “Earth and I have been best friends since the Big Bang. I know what’s best for her, and it definitely is a boob job.”

There hasn’t been any comment from the other planets in the galaxy.

“Her breasts are made out of the volcano material from Grover Cleveland Middle School Eighth Grade Science Fair, says Noah Barber from the EPA. “      If you touch it, it’ll make a giant dent in the mountain.”

After her proclamation, astronomers have stated Earth has recently been close with Milky Way’s heartthrob Mars. The scoop is that they were getting hot and heavy during the last solar eclipse.

“They look really cute together, and this might be a serious relationship for the two,” says Christine Bailey, the astronomer who spotted the two lovebirds. “But it will be bad for human and animal life if these two get super close. That is, so catastrophically bad that we could all die. Earth’s gravity makes her extremely needy, and we will all die if she drags Mars down.”

For now, we’re happy for Earth and hope the change to her physical appearance will boost her self-esteem!

 

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