Five Higher Ed Degrees You Can Also Use To Plan Your Sister’s Wedding

After three years of on-and-off dating, Tod (with one d – but that’s fine) finally proposed to your little sister, Becky! Becky’s turned to you, her highly educated big sister, to be her maid of honor. It turns out, that prestigious degree you’re now drowning in debt from is EXACTLY what you need to plan your sister’s dream wedding!

Masters in Religious Studies

You and Becky were raised as Conservative Jews, but Tod was raised Methodist. Also, your mother has been not-so-subtly hinting that if even one of you doesn’t raise your children Jewish, she’ll disown you both. No problem! Use your wealth of knowledge to help Becky incorporate parts of Christianity AND Judaism into her ceremony without offending anyone! For example: did you know that both religions share The Old Testament, so you can quote from it during the service and it’s cool with both faiths? Of course you did, you lady genius!

M.C.P. in Urban Planning

Bet you didn’t know your advanced degree would come in handy for this special day! You can help Becky figure out what roads will be most efficient for your family from Syosset to take to get to Becky’s wedding on Staten Island, plan routes to Staten Island besides the ferry for Becky’s gal pals who are irrationally afraid of the ferry, and help Becky explain to Tod’s parents from Des Moines all the ways New York has changed since that one time they visited Times Square in 1983 and vowed never to return! What a great use of your educational credentials!

M.F.A in Graphic Design

Your sister needs a wedding invitation that communicates convoluted information about hotels, transportation, and her wedding registry, gathers everyone’s ridiculous dietary preferences, AND seamlessly incorporates all five of your sister’s mismatching wedding colors! How will she do this? With YOUR help, you expert designer! Help your sister put together the perfect invitation that your grandparents might complain has text that’s too little to read, but hey, they RSVP’d on time (unlike literally anyone on Todd’s…sorry, Tod’s side of the wedding), so you’re doing something right!

B.A. in Psychology

Planning a wedding is stressful, especially because Tod won’t ask his parents about their expectations for the big day as he’s “sure they’ll be fine with whatever”. Well, you didn’t write your undergraduate thesis on Parent & Child Dynamics In the 21st Century for nothing! Help Becky anticipate how Tod’s mother might react if she doesn’t wear Tod’s grandmother’s veil, teach Becky how to deflect the situation when Tod’s father drunkenly challenges Becky at the rehearsal dinner for her “naively liberal politics”, and try to figure out the psychological basis for why the fuck Tod’s parents would name him Tod with ONE d!

PhD in Gender Studies

Use your expertise to help Becky plan a wedding that has at least the vague appearance of feminism! If she won’t do away with the bouquet toss because “it’s so cute”, encourage her to have anyone who wants to, regardless of gender, vie to catch the bouquet. If you can’t sway Tod not to have strippers at his bachelor party because “they’re for my AEPi bros”, allow that your sister can have them at her party, but help her see how objectification, however egalitarian, upholds the patriarchy. Finally, force Becky to get a fucking ironclad prenup because SHE’S MARRYING TOD WITH ONE D. Becky’s so lucky her sister spent seven years getting a doctorate for the sole purpose of helping her sister throw her life away! 

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