Friend Who Keeps Insisting on Phone Date Better Have Something Fucking Interesting to Say

I mean, can’t you just text me about all the reasons you think why he didn’t call you back?

Can’t I just like your cat photos on Instagram?

I already read about your new paleo diet on your blog.

FINE, I’ll donate to your 10K.

I GET IT. YOU HAVE THOUGHTS ABOUT THE PRESIDENT.

I mean, I’ll buy your damn Rodan & Fields products, okay?

I’m just afraid if we talk on the phone we’ll have nothing to say to each other the two times a year we actually see each other in person. And those times are very special to me. Because you’re a very important friend.

And I’m running out of excuses to hide my social anxiety.

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