‘He’s Fiscally Conservative!’ And Other Ways to Justify Still Being With Your Shitty Trump Supporting Boyfriend

Liberals are constantly claiming how hard it is to have anyone in your life who still supports Donald Trump. And we get it. He’s a narcissistic, sociopathic misogynist who has no understanding of the world and how it works and in just the past few weeks has fired or mocked most of his staff, spewed propaganda to a huge group of boy scouts, almost started a nuclear war, and proved to us that he is a Nazi sympathizer. But while some people can easily write off their uncle, parents, or brother Tim, it’s not as easy to do so with your boyfriend. Fortunately, we’ve got some ideas on how to justify your boyfriend’s beliefs, so you can sleep easier at night.


He’s fiscally conservative.

Donald Trump is racist. We know, we know it’s all we hear lately!!! But your boyfriend isn’t! Seriously! He’s just fiscally conservative. You know this because he buys you really expensive stuff to make up for the fact that he’s cheating on you. And if he has the money to afford all that jewelry, he’s obviously just a fiscal conservative who couldn’t imagine living in a world where he would have to pay more for stupid freeloading poor people just because he works harder and is in a top tax bracket.


He’s the hottest guy you’ve ever been with.

Sure, the sex is subpar and he has a micropenis, but when you go out together, you know that all eyes are on you. Everyone automatically looks hotter when they surround themselves with hot people and it’s no different with your boyfriend. When you introduce him to your friends, they are shocked to see that you could score someone that good looking. Sure, maybe he looks like a hot Joseph Goebbels, but hot is hot. Don’t worry, we understand!


Your family loves him.

Your family has never loved any of the dudes you’ve brought home. They hated your Jewish boyfriend Kyle (no, not because he was Jewish!). They hated your black boyfriend Kevin (no, not because he was black!). And they hated your regular boyfriend Tyler because he was regular. Your Trump supporting boyfriend is their absolute favorite. Is it because he believes that homosexuality is a choice? Or just his charming personality? Either way, who knows when you’ll find one that they approve of like this again?


What other choice did he have in November?

This last presidential election sucked. There was no good choice! There was no candidate with any qualifications, no candidate who had been a public servant for over 30 years, no candidate who knew anything about our government or how it was run, no candidate who was probably the most qualified person ever to run for president in the history of America. How can you blame your boyfriend??? He had no other choice.

Your boyfriend rocks, ok? Don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise. Even if he does think Donald Trump’s pussy comments were funny and he’s excited to attend his local Unite the Right rally next week. To all your friends who don’t get why you’re still with him, ask them how it feels to be alone.

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