How to Turn Making Mashed Potatoes Into a Sex Thing

It’s Thanksgiving, which means your house is full of yummy food and strange relatives. This year, you’ve been tasked with making the mashed potatoes. But, oh no! You’ve brought your boyfriend Paul home with you, and he’s starting to get super horny. The solution? Kill two birds with one stone. Here’s how to turn making mashed potatoes into a sex thing.


  • Salt
  • 2 ½ pounds potatoes (about 6 large potatoes)
  • 4 tablespoons butter
  • ⅓ cup whole milk
  • A dirty imagination

Bring a pot of salted water to boil while whispering that you want all of him inside of you

Once you’ve added ¾ teaspoon of salt and brought the water to a boil, reduce the heat to simmer and add in the peeled potatoes. Boil for about 15 to 20 minutes. While the potatoes are cooking, continuously excite Paul by saying things like “once we make these taters, I’m gonna mash your dick.”


In a saucepan, heat butter and milk together. Any excess butter can be used to rub on his nipples

Heat butter and milk together until butter melts and mixture steams. You can also use the microwave for this step. Leftover butter should be saved and gently rubbed on Paul’s hairy nipples. The heat will arouse him and leave him begging for more.


Mash hot potatoes until smooth, making sure the movement of your hand simulates what you’ll be doing to his penis

For creamy potatoes, keep stirring potato mixture, using a sturdy spoon to press it against sides and bottom of pot. Mix until dense and thick, making sure Paul knows that his cock is next.


Cover tightly in a warm place until ready to serve. Then, sneak into your childhood bedroom and give him what he truly wants

Transfer potatoes to the back of the stove, where they will stay warm for about 30 minutes. While the rest of the family prepares their dishes, take Paul upstairs and go to pound town!


There you go! You just successfully pleased your man AND made a delicious side dish. Happy Thanksgiving!

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