I Was Able to Stop Wearing Makeup Because My Pussy Is So Tight

If you’re female, it’s likely you’ve struggled with self-esteem issues. It’s par for the course! The wild beauty standards for women shape and mold us to a fault. For the longest time, I struggled with how I looked. But, I am so proud to say that I have broken free of this horrible weight. I was able to stop wearing makeup because my pussy is so tight.

I used to be so insecure that I would cake on foundation until my face was the size and shape of a basketball. So much mascara and eyeliner, my eyes would often be sealed shut. So much blush that I was mistaken for a basketball once. And although, I looked like Angelina Jolie on the red carpet, my insides looked like Brad Pitt in Benjamin Button. I was hurting. Improving your self esteem has a lot to do with psychological work and looking inward- it is with great joy that I embarked on this path to self-love.

This beautiful journey of self actualization started after a very special night, when I got railed by Jake in the Kinko’s parking lot. After doing the deed, he turned to me with the most sincere glance and said “Wow, your cooter is hella tight.” I felt butterflies in me like I’d never felt before. Still, the next day before work, I caked on my usual quarter-pounder of makeup.

It wasn’t until the next week, when I met up with Devon, that I learned of my true potential. Devon could barely get it in! He said finding my vaginal hole was like finding a needle in a haystack. I blushed under all my blush: my vaginal canal, thinner than a needle? And then I got the courage to ask Devon: “You find me attractive… right? Is it my makeup? My put together outfit? My Perfume? What made you swipe right?” He gave me that look and I instantly knew it was because of my itty bitty lady purse!

After realizing that I possessed magical pussy power, I decided to toss out all my makeup once and for all. I didn’t need to be self-conscious about how I looked any longer because I had the one thing men truly desired: a small, coin sized twat.

And if you’re reading this hoping to also go makeup-free: do some kegels!

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