I Wrote an Apology For the Men in My Life Who Excuse Shitty Behavior and You Can Too!

Wow, men certainly are struggling with writing their apologies to the world when they defend the terrible behavior of themselves or other men! Each and every apology that comes out seems very lackluster and underwhelming. It seems to be missing something, but we just aren’t quite sure what. Fortunately for the men in my life, I’ve written an apology for them so that when the moment presents itself, they are able to rise to the occasion. Take a look!

“I am sorry. What I did was wrong. This is an issue that is bigger than any one person, but that also does not recuse me from my actions. Despite my identifying as an ally to women, I am a part of the problem and that hits me very hard. I am doing some reflecting on myself because even those of us who believe we are allies can be problematic. I am not absolved from this issue. I take full responsibility and I am sorry. I am not asking forgiveness because I am not owed that. This was out of line and unacceptable. I am actively working to be better and to do better for all women.”

If this apology doesn’t necessarily suit your man’s misdeeds, don’t worry! Feel free to change the words around for him. Play with it. If your man isn’t sure that he identifies as an ally to women, take that line out! Pepper in a “Times Up” or other fun buzzwords and phrases like “the future is female” or “if we’re not both having fun, it isn’t fun.” If your man won’t actively try to be better, just delete that line.

It isn’t their fault that they lack the basic understanding of how to take ownership for their wrongdoings. We can’t expect these men to know that saying “well, I didn’t see it that way” is just another form of victim blaming. And we definitely can’t expect them to understand that they really need to take a deep look inside themselves to see why somewhere, somehow, they thought this type of behavior is okay.

Ladies, this is a man’s world and we’re just living in it. And while we’re living in it, it is our job to  do all the emotional labor behind the scenes so that our men appear to be empathetic and thoughtful individuals rather than living, breathing sacks of meat just looking to see where they can stick it in next.

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