La Perla Lingerie Set Disappointed It’s Being Worn for Lame Greg

It’s February 14th and Stephanie Pirkle is preparing for a Valentine’s Day date with her boyfriend of four months, Greg Greenbaum. After taking a 45 minute shower and moisturizing all over, Stephanie headed over to her underwear drawer. While most of the underwear Stephanie owns is six-years-old and strictly practical, she had one nice pair which she’d saved for specials occasions like tonight. The $200 La Perla lingerie set, which Stephanie found stuffed in the back of the drawer near old receipts, was gravely disappointed it was being for lame Greg.

“I sit in the back of her underwear/bra/sock/random shit drawer for 11 months out of the year,” says the red tulle balconette bra and undies set with lace embroidery, “and the one time I get put to use it’s for this loser?”

Stephanie and Greg started seeing each other after meeting on the dating app, Coffee Meets Bagel. Greg, part-time Barista and full-time bassist in a ska band, initially attracted Stephanie with his blasé attitude towards life.

While Greg said he didn’t want to celebrate Valentine’s Day because it’s a “made up holiday manufactured by the swines of Hallmark”, Stephanie convinced Greg to at least go out for chinese (her treat).

As Stephanie began to put on the lingerie set, it became increasingly more irate.

“I’m a fucking satin bustier made from the finest Italian silk,” said the intimate apparel. “And I’m being worn for a guy that showers once a week? This is a sin!”

Sadly Greg, who owns four bongs and doesn’t have a debit card, probably won’t even notice the beautiful stitch work on Stephanie’s undergarments.

“I’m $200 for a reason,” said the La Perla set. “I’m supposed to be worn for a guy who goes down on you every morning or to win back an ex. Not a dude named Greg who doesn’t know where the clitoris is.”

After slipping on the bra and underwear, Stephanie couldn’t stop complaining about how itchy and uncomfortable it was.

“If she’s going to wear me tonight, I’m going to make sure she doesn’t have fun doing it.”

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