New Scientific Study Reveals Millennial Women are Made Up of 90 Percent La Croix

A recent scientific study at Vanderbilt University has officially confirmed  that millennial women are made up of 90 percent La Croix. Scientists, who had been perplexed by the rise of this sparkling water beverage, set out to see if it had any effect on the body composition of the young women drinking it.

“Everywhere I looked women were drinking out of these oddly painted cans.” says Dr. Caldwell, who led the study. “I wanted to know if this new beverage was having an effect on the human body.”

La Croix, the calorie-free sparkling water drink, has been recently adopted  by millennial woman who no longer are satisfied by just plain water.

“It’s just not as fun, “says Catie, who recently embarked on a quest to try every La Croix flavor by the time she turns 22. “Every time I take a sip I feel like I’m relaxing in a pool cabana and not just working as an Anthropologie sales associate.”

Experts at Vanderbilt have said this beverage craze has in fact changed the chemical makeup of young women’s bodies.

“This is a scientific phenomenon that is perplexing researchers worldwide,” says Dr. Caldwell. “We haven’t seen this kind of change since high school seniors started drinking Four Lokos at an alarming rate.”

Dr. Caldwell, whose research journal will be published this week, urges millennial woman to keep their La Croix consumption to two cans a day.

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