Not Again: Every Guy in This Bar Is Named Jonathan and Works in Finance

Last Friday night, Mae Zimmerman walked into local Lower East Side bar Two & Two. After pushing through a sea of women wearing black body suits, Mae ordered her classic drink of tequila with a dash of soda water. With drink in hand, Mae was ready to start her night of flirting with the eclectic variety of men that New York City had to offer.

Accidentally losing track of her roommate Leslie who she’d come with, Mae decided to confidently introduce herself to potential suitors. She spotted a cute, 6’2″ guy in the corner and approached him. After asking what he did, he responded.

“Hey, I’m Jonathan. I work at Goldman Sachs, I live in Murray Hill, and I went to Syracuse.”

Mae, who had been dragged along by her roommate Leslie, was told this bar wasn’t the same as all the other post-grad Friday night spots. But it seemed that it wasn’t the case.

“I just don’t get it, how are they all so similar?” asked Mae. “Where did they all come from? Isn’t there one guy in here who isn’t a finance bro?”

After striking out with Jonathan #1, Mae decided it was too early to call it quits. She spotted a guy in a graphic tee standing by the bathroom and thought he doesn’t look like a finance bro.

Turns out grungy Jonathan worked in finance but claimed he was different because he played in a band on the weekends. Ya right, dude.

Mae, who had become increasingly more frustrated, ordered two more shots.

“Every time I go to one of these bars, I hope it will be different. I’m so stupid!” yelled Mae. “Leslie totally tricked me into coming with her so she could meet up with this guy Jonathan she’s been talking to on Bumble.”

Mae has vowed never to come to Two & Two again. That is until next weekend when she’s once again convinced otherwise.

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