Seeing Hamilton Was So Life Changing It Cured My Adult Acne!

For years, everyone has been talking about Broadway’s biggest hit Hamilton and I wasn’t sure it would live up to the hype. Sure, it’s won tons of awards like Tonys and Grammys, but could it still really be that good? I’m here to tell you, it’s even better than I expected. Not only did I enjoy the singing and dancing of the talented cast, when I left the theater my acne was gone! That’s right, the persistent pimples that have been bothering me for the past ten years had vanished into thin air right as the curtain fell.

Since the show debuted, I’ve heard friends and  strangers in line at CVS gush about how life changing the show was to them, but I’d just laugh at off as hyperbole. My aunt swears she was able to cancel her Proactiv subscription after seeing the show when it came to St. Louis, but I refused to believe it! I love musicals, but I’ve never heard of any medical miracles reported on Broadway.com.

I’ve always enjoyed seeing shows on the Great White Way, but let’s be honest seeing Phantom of the Opera last fall didn’t alter the course of my life. If anything, I wished they had sold those Phantom masks so I could cover the massive pimples growing on the center of my cheek. Heck, I even camped outside of the theatre to get tickets to Book of Mormon. I laughed the whole 2 hour show, but I still had a hormonal cyst on my chin when they were taking their bows.

The night of the show I arrived with a full face of makeup and low expectations. I was excited to see the new cast and had a massive zit on that spot by my lower lip where I always break out and I have no clue why. As soon as they started singing “Schuyler Sisters” however, I could feel my pores began to shrink.

By the time they got to Act II and people were all, “Hamilton, why do you write like you’re running out of time?” I was praying the show wouldn’t run of time and end before it got to the zits on my chest.  Obviously I don’t want to offer any spoilers, but let’s just say I was crying at the end of show because the ending was super emotional and my back-ne had completely vanished.  I can’t wait to wear a backless dress to my parents’ vow renewal in Cabo next weekend! Werk!

People are always talking about being in “the room where it happens.” I just didn’t understand that when they were saying that “it” they meant the curing of your adult acne. I can’t believe I spent years and thousands of dollars on creams and gels from my dermatologist. I’ll be letting Dr. Stein know I won’t be seeing him anymore. What’s my dermatologist’s name, now? Alexander Hamilton.

I was hoping this medical miracle would apply to my other maladies, but sadly my lactose intolerance is still intact. If I can get an appointment in time, maybe Sara Bareilles in “Waitress” knows why I have to pee all the time. 

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