The Morning Routine of a Dignified Millennial

I like my tea hot. Piping hot. The sound of the kettle whistling is my morning battle cry. I meticulously pour the scalding hot water into my prestigious My Little Pony Mug. It’s a sky blue oval beverage holder, with an abstract illustration of Rainbow Dash (the most underrated Kardashian). I then steep my off-brand green tea bag into the ceramic cauldron, until the water changes hue. I pour not one, but two cups of white sugar in the mix. I like my tea to resemble my personality: bittersweet.

I then diligently stir my brew, but I dare not sip. For it is, like I said before, way too hot. I carefully place my breakfast potion on my window sill. I then catch up on life. And by ‘catch up’ I mean I lurk on past and present frenemies’ social media pages. This is a very time consuming task. Hours pass until my body shocks me with self realization— I need to pee.

I trot off to the lavatory, relieve myself, and return to my bedroom/ home office (95% bedroom. 5% office) After pulling myself away from my pocket computer, which others crudely call a cell phone, I remember I left my tea cooling behind me. I take a sip and recoil. My taste buds are appalled.

My once hot, scalding tea now tastes like lukewarm bathwater. I sadly pour the tea out, mourning my loss while playing Bleachers “I Wanna Get Better.” Because I really do wanna get better. Although the saying “don’t cry over spilled milk” is my life mantra, it’s perfectly fine to cry over spoiled tea.

I ring out what’s left of the tea bag, toss it into the trash, and fill up my kettle with fresh water. I set it on the stove and pick up my pocket computer. I start the process all over again.

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