What Your Zodiac Sign Says About You Depending On If I Think You Suck

Aries

Oh, Aries. You’re a spicy little fire sign, aren’t you? You’re passionate, confident, and fiercely independent.

Apparently SO fiercely independent that two of you have broken up with me before we even started dating. But, you taught me a lesson. Which is to read a person’s birth chart before agreeing to a date.

 

Taurus

Tauruses are the loyal bulls of the zodiac. Firmly grounded, patient, and organized, a Taurus likely won’t flake on you if you make weekend plans with them, unlike SOME people (see above).

 

Gemini

Geminis get a bad rap. Often, Geminis are described as chaotic and two-faced. But as a Gemini, I have to say…that’s totally true. Except for me because I’m like, tight AF. #NotAllGeminis

 

Cancer

There are definitely good and bad traits of a Cancer.

 

Good:

Helpful

Compassionate

Creative

 

Bad:

Super sensitive

Competitive

Clingy

 

Likewise, there are also good and bad Cancers.

 

Good:

My best friend, Kayla

Selena Gomez

My grandma

 

Bad:

Brittney from junior high

Uncle Rick

Tom Cruise

 

Leo

Leo DiCaprio is the only good Leo, and he’s a Scorpio.

 

Virgo

Virgos are described as being hardworking and witty, but also a perfectionist. Which would explain why my mother, a Virgo, would constantly criticize my work ethic and cut me down with witty quips.

 

Libra

Libras are Geminis, but good.

 

Scorpio

Scorpios are magnetic, and I’m not just saying that because my secret work crush is a Scorpio. Scorpios are passionate. Scorpios are loyal. Scorpios have light brown hair and green eyes and are really good at fixing my mistakes in Excel.

 

Sagittarius

Sagittariuses are just another fire sign to be burned by. #ByeBish #WhyDidntYouInviteMeToYourWeddingErin #IThoughtWeWereClose

 

Capricorn

Okay honestly I can’t think of a lot of Capricorns in my life, so I had to Google them and, y’all. Y’ALL.

Tiger Woods is a Capricorn.

Nic Cage is a Capricorn.

Mel Gibson is a Capricorn.

Y I K E S.

 

Aquarius

Okay, so, Aquarius people are supposed to be like these creative, open-minded, warm geniuses. And like, yeah. I was drawn to Kellen because I thought he was like this super quirky, interesting guy. Liking The Smiths does NOT count as having a personality, Kellen. And neither does a fear of commitment. Water-bearers? More like pain-bearers.

 

Pisces

Pisces are chill.

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