When Swimsuit Season Ends, Arson Season Begins

The end of summer means purchasing back-to-school supplies, new season-appropriate outfits, and gasoline, lighters, rags, and other tools to construct Molotov cocktails. You had fun, but now vacation is over. It’s time to put it all away once and for all.

As tradition dictates, fall is the death of everything that happened before. What does that mean for you? Get rid of your swimsuits — playtime is over. Only when everything is hot ash will you be free to rebuild anew.

And how do you make hot ash? Maybe it means just packing up and leaving town to become a drifter who sleeps in different parking garages. Maybe it’s quitting your job and starting a toilet fire in your boss’ personal bathroom. Maybe it’s leaving a roll of paper towels on the kitchen stove and walking out the front door. Who needs metaphors when you can have the real deal?

And this deal? This deal is second degree arson with up to three years in state prison. But just think of all those swimsuit seasons you won’t have to shop for. 

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