Why I Stopped Going to Therapy and Just Started Putting Healing Crystals Up My Butt

I’ve struggled with depression for most of my adult life. Most medical professionals told me the best way to cope with mental health was a combination of medication, therapy, and a healthy lifestyle. While I have tried therapy for about 3 weeks, I realized that it just wasn’t the right way to deal with my mental illness. Instead, I decided to ignore all medical advice and start putting healing crystals up my butt.

Crystal healing therapy is the process of using stones to draw out negative energy from the body. I’ve always been a fan of New Age medicine, so I went my local apothecary and bought 50 healing crystals.When I asked the store clerk if these were safe to put up my ass, she just waved sage in my face and mumbled some mantra. I didn’t see anything wrong with trying this ancient medical practice that has no scientific basis!

When I got home, I just put the healing crystals right up my booty hole and waited patiently for the healing to begin. After sitting still for two hours while listening to chanting meditations, I didn’t really feel much better but I could tell I made the right decision to pay no heed to the scientific community and just do whatever the fuck I want.

Today, I can confidently say I sort of just feel the same as I did before the healing crystals. Maybe I’ll try salt caves next.

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