Why I Stopped Looking For Mr. Right And Started Looking For Malaysia Airline Flight 370

He’s smart. He’s funny. He’s in shape. He has good morals. He cares about his mom. He doesn’t care about his ex. He’s Mr. Right… And he’s not real. It’s time to accept that. What is real? An airplane, mother fucker. Specifically Malaysia Airline Flight 370. It’s high time we find that shit.

The perfect guy doesn’t exist. Trust me, I spent a lot of time looking. What I found wasn’t some ideal model of a man. What I found was disappointment. What I found was a lot of boring conversations. What I found was a lack of chemistry. I didn’t need to find any of those things. What I do need to find is Malaysia Airline Flight 370. An entire airplane disappeared into the Indian Ocean in 2014 (!!!!) and we’re all supposed to be fine with that? We’re supposed to just go about our everyday lives? Did we learn nothing from Amelia Earhart?

Who is this Prince Charming we’re all looking for? Do any of us really know? What does he look like? I don’t know. I do, however, know what Malaysia Airline Flight 370 looks like. It looks like a plane. Because that’s what it is. A plane. It might look like a plane that has been shot down by the Ukraine government, but I have the basics down. Two wings. Big. Got it.

There’s an old expression that you’re supposed wait for love to find you. I don’t believe it, but for those that do, let me just make it quite clear that that logic does not apply to airplanes. Malaysia Airline Flight 370 isn’t going to find itself. I’m going to find it. Until further notice I’ll be actively looking for that aircraft. Until they figure out how to fuse Michael B. Jordan, Ryan Gosling, and 2004 Viggo Mortensen, my eyes belong strictly to the Indian Ocean.

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