Valentine’s Day Dresses That Are Both Sexy And Seasonally Inappropriate

It’s Valentine’s Day, and what better way to prepare for Cupid’s Arrow than by foregoing any sense of your own personal comfort? Here are some sexy date night dresses that are completely inappropriate for February weather in most major American cities!

Red Velvet Slip Dress

No fabric says ‘romance’ quite like plush red velvet!  Any warmth that you may get from the relative weight of this material is immediately nixed by the seasonally inappropriate spaghetti straps.  The dress’ open back shows a tantalizing amount of skin while ensuring that you definitely won’t be wearing a bra: so get ready to show off those freezing cold, rock hard nips! 

Lace Body-Con Dress

If red or pink isn’t your color, you can still bring the romance with feminine fabrics like this classic lace cocktail dress!  The semi-sheer lace bodice leaves plenty of holes for the ice-cold wind to hit your sensitive skin. Bring the Valentine’s Day edge with a red shawl that will also do nothing to protect your midriff from becoming a frozen polar wasteland-especially after you leave it at the restaurant! 

Sweetheart Jacquard Mini Dress

Between this bright pink number’s sweetheart neckline and short-short A-line skirt, this dress is sure to expose at least 65% of your skin to the sub-freezing February elements. Pair it with peep-toe pumps so you’ll be able to quickly tell if your toes are turning blue. With this outfit, all you’ll need is an extra-long wait at the valet to take date night to the next level: the ER! 

Rose Ruffle Romper

If skirts and dresses aren’t for you, don’t worry! You can still freeze off most of your buttcheeks in an adorable romper! Nothing says romance like floral prints, and the cute coral color will pop nicely against all skin tones that have the blood slowly draining out of them. The waist nips in the way the bitter February wind nips away at your consciousness. Don’t worry, a steamy shower with your Valentine will bring the feeling back to your butt- hopefully!  

El Dorado Dress

Show off those legs! This ultra-mini dress is short on length but high on elegance, and is perfect for leggy gals who want to freeze their junk off. It’s so short you’ll actually wince in pain when slipping into the frozen leather seat of your date’s Toyota Camry. Complete the look with a pair of sexy black booties that will keep your toes warm while everything between your legs freezes off.  

So get out there and freeze those bits off, ladies!  Remember, you don’t look hot unless you’re also ice, ice cold.

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